Today’s fluff has got a VIP pass …
What ho readers! The Mill is down west London’s most exclusive tropical-based nightclub, Mahiki, and has just elbowed its way past the entire cast of The Only Way is Essex, Made in Chelsea, Desperate Scousewives and Farming Today to get to the bar. Hang on! Who’s that asking if they’re still doing £1 a pint on Hoffmeister? It’s professional Pat Sharp-a-like and Arsenal goalkeeperWojciech Szczesny, hours after flapping at Fulham crosses like his name about was David de Gea. Wait until the Metro hears about this, they’ll be running outraged stories in the morning.
Szczesny wasn’t the only thing wildly flying about Craven Cottage this week – so were rumours that Martin Jol wants to snap up Sheffield United’s 18-year-old centre-back Harry Maguire for £3m. That’s if he’s got any change left after signing Catania striker Maxi López for £10m. And if you don’t believe us just ask Catania’s sporting director Pietro Lo Monaco: “I can confirm the strong interest from England for Maxi Lopez, and indeed there is a Fulham offer.” Told you.
The Mirror reckons Bolton’s Gary Cahill may not become Chelsea’s Gary Cahill as soon as we expected. They reckon Gary has noticed Chelsea are … well … not much cop and is having second thoughts. He’s also asked for a guaranteed first-team place in the run-up to Euro 2012. Chelsea have refused despite the fact that they recently allowed a team managed by Alex McLeish to score three goals, a feat many particle theorists had thought to be against the law of physics.
Following an injury to Chris Brunt, West Brom are after a midfielder with an A* in GCSE French. Since Florent Malouda is out of their price range they’ll settle for Bolton’s Mark Davies, who once went to Cafe Rouge and is available for £4m. Roy Hodgson is also after Birmingham’s own-goal machine and sometime defender Liam Ridgewell. Newcastle want Ridgewell too although Alan Pardew has a special place in his heart for Swansea’s Ashley Williams, who he’s willing to pay £5.148732m for and not a penny more. Swansea want £8m.
The Newcastle Chronicle reckons that the rumours about Andy Carroll returning to Tyneside on loan are a load of piffle, though. That’s because Carroll would be a waste of money – even for free – and because Juventus have offered their striker Vincenzo Iaquinta on loan.
Manchester United are considering a £7m move for Basel midfielder Granit Xhaka. If they get him they’ll invent a time portal, push him through it and get young Granit to sabotage Basel’s famous Champions League victory over United. The only thing standing in their way is Hamburg, who are also interested, and the £88tn needed to develop a prototype time portal.
And finally in the Mail, newshound Sportsmail Reporter reckons Spurs will sign West Ham defender James Tomkins; Chelsea will loan out Gaël Kakuta to Marseille, Dijon or Olympiacos; and Everton will take Darron Gibson on loan for the rest of the season.
No comments:
Post a Comment